By Shawn Blackhawk

Growing up in America's Heartland, Shawn Blackhawk used her poetry from an early age to express herself. Her philosophy has always been: "I'll try anything once." She uses her words like a brush, painting vivid pictures, evoking as much emotion from her readers as she can. She appreciates struggles, as they pave the road to triumph, and firmly believes that the darkest parts of the human mind and soul are the only way to eventually celebrate the light. She has been recognized for Illuminating Digital Publishing Excellence by Jenkins Group (eLit Awards) and was the 2011 Silver Medal Finalist for the Electronically Published Internet Collation (EPIC Awards). Shawn's poetry book can be purchased at L-Book.com.

Weddings – the one thing all little girls have in common. We’ve all planned our perfect wedding. Oh sure, the guy changes over the years but not the details. We grow up being told that your wedding day is the greatest day of your life. What they don’t tell you about is the planning.

I’m getting married in October. It’s sort of a “spur of the moment” kind of thing. My partner and I had a hand-fasting ceremony while we were stationed in Hawaii. I got my dream wedding that day – clear skies, warm ocean. There were spinner dolphins, sea turtles, and even a shark. Our closest friends and all our “adopted” kids were there. I got to wear cut off shorts, no shoes, and a tank top. We had handmade leis, candles, and a High Priest. The gold and red rope that signified our union now hangs above the fireplace.  There are pictures all over the walls from that day. The only problem? It’s not legal. We can call ourselves “married,” but there was no license.

We talked about it and decided that now that we’re back on the mainland, we’d like to get legally married. For a gay person, this is the ultimate acknowledgment of our relationship – that while not every state recognizes the union, our friends, family, and churches will. We chose the 27th of October since that was the closest day to our hand-fasting. While the license and certificate will say the 27th, we’ll still celebrate our anniversary on the 31st: a very important religious day for both Pagans (which I am) and Catholics (which my partner is).

We had no problems coming up with a list of people we wanted there. Since my parents have always had difficulty in accepting my sexuality, I was hesitant to ask them. So, I did the chicken move and sent a group text to my parents, little brother, and baby sister. I knew the kids would say “Yes.” They’ve always been supportive of me and are fighters for gay rights. To my surprise and utter joy, my parents said “Yes!” I then took another chance, and asked my little brother if I could have his two sons, Noah and Malachi, as our ring bearers. With no hesitancy, my brother said “Yes.”

The kids are so excited! They get to help Auntie Shawn marry Auntie MG. They are getting new suits, new shoes, and haircuts. My niece will also be there in her new dress. She’s too young to participate, but she’ll grow up knowing that her two aunts are married, love each other very much, and are just like everyone else. They’ll know that sometimes, women love women, and men love men – that there’s nothing wrong about it. They will see their Auntie Shawn in tuxedo pants, dress shirt, vest and tie. They’ll begin to understand that not every girl wants to wear a dress and that the truly “perfect” wedding is made by the people that witness the pairing, not by the location, the choice of religious personnel, or the tiny details.

I’ve learned that planning a real wedding is much more complicated than the ceremony we had in Hawaii. Here I have to apply for a license, rent the building, figure out who we want at the ceremony and who we want at the reception. We aren’t registered anywhere and aren’t going to be. I suppose you could say that it’s the perfect “butch” wedding. We’ve asked for gift cards to Lowe’s. There are a lot of things I want to do in the house, and the gift cards would help cover it. I’ve been working hard since we got back, trying to get the house just the way we want it. I can’t wait for our guests, especially my nephews and niece, to arrive at our house and see it. While it’s not perfect, it’s coming along. I think it will be perfect once my parents, brother, sister, and kids are in it.

Photo: bigjom
Published: September 11, 2012